Awakening

It's the theme of our Leader's Camp this year.

Last year, it was different. The theme's title was "Go fish" and that was about making disciples. Honestly, It was not as moving as I expected it to be, not because the message is not great, but because I just graduated from Training for Victory just few days before that. Training for Victory is a course in our church that tackles about being a disciple and how to make disciples, which is the theme of the last camp.

I remember months before last year's camp, I was not yet fully known as a Christian in my home. So I had problems before I got to attend the camp:

1. My parents wouldn't allow me to join that event. It's a "born-again" church.
2. I have no money. If ever my parents would allow me, I was still unable to go

But I prayed for these and God made a way. My parents allowed me to do and they even gave me money for it. (It was difficult for me to ask them, though)

Team Yellow: (From left to right) Julio (Team leader), Me,
 Jeje, Jelay, Anne, Arla, Aaron and Jcel.

This year's camp was different, entirely different. My only problem is the budget. I did not bother to ask my parents for allowance because we were really struggling financially. So I got to pray for my allowance and step out in faith. 

Doms and I planned to do F.R.A. (Fund Raising Activity). We sold chocolates to our friends. It was my first time to fight for my destiny in this way so I was very hopeful that I would see God working with me. In my dismay, I found out I am not good in this. Doms was already telling me excitedly how much he's earned from the activity while i struggle from it. I was tempted to feel envious of him but thank God I gave me faith not to. I reminded myself that it was not we who work in us but God. Despite the discouragements, I continued believing in God for His provision.

I was forced to used my own money for the camp, because of my eagerness to join it. But God is good. he surprised me. After paying the 50% of the payment for the camp, Alxis, one of my Victory groupmates, asked me how much is left to pay for the camp. He told me he was going to pay for it. Thank God! Ate Xane and my Mom also game me additional allowance at the end which made my budget overflowing. I have even gone ahead of Doms in terms of raising funds. I am not competing with my friend, I just want to emphasize that God has His own ways of blessing His children. Who would have thought of any of this will happen from the start? I certainly don't! 

So the camp begins. As early as the worship service before the start of the first session begins, I already got a revelation from God. Hebrews 12:1-3 has always been in my mind but I could not understand clearly what God was trying to say me.

The second session is the most amazing. I have been struggling with so many things this previous semester and I was asking God to do something about them. But I felt like I was waiting in vain. I have in my mind what I needed. And God is faithful. The thing that I needed is what the camp is all about. I felt like God designed the whole camp just for me. 

Many wrong mindsets have been broken by God's truth that day and we were liberated from the bad effects in our lives. One of the greatest wrong mindset we had is prioritizing our reputation of being a leader than our devotion to God. It greatly struck me. I realized I have always tried to be a perfect, "struggle-less", mature Christian and I wanted everyone to see that I have all things in my life under my control. But God knows how broken I am deep inside. I prioritized more how people see me, rather that doing what is more pleasurable to God. I chose the world rather than the truth of God. I did not even realized before that that I was a victim of this horrible thinking.

But I thank God for He has shed His light on us, His children. now I feel free from any reputation I was trying to maintain in the sight of people. I can now humbly accept my weaknesses that I always deny from myself and others. I have been too proud of what I have become, even if I am actually nothing. Now I am back to the simplicity of following God, of following Jesus.

I was sleeping, and not paying attention of myself. I thank God that He included me to a church like this, and that I have leaders who shepherds us very well. Now I am awakened.